PROACTIVE.

It is not uncommon, when English-speaking foreigners get together, to make fun of "Engrish" in Japan. The neverending hilarity of nonsensical signs, the outrageous, unwittingly witty witticisms of our students who tell us they'd like "a burger with flies". But it's only fair to point out that most of us use stupid English all the time without even knowing it, and without the valid excuse of it being our second language (although it is for me, chronologically). The following is an example of such ill-usage. Place: Vancouver International airport, awaiting boarding of plane to Japan.

Airport Dude: "OK, I apologize for the delay, but I will now begin proactive boarding. Those who have seats 1-25 please come to the counter to begin boarding, proactively. I repeat, we will now proactively begin boarding those with seats 1-25."

At this point, a kid of about 10 who was beside me, asked his Mom what proactive meant. The Mom told him. A few minutes later...

AD: "I am continuing to proactively board passengers at this point. Will those with seats 25 through 50 please come to the counter to be boarded proactively. I am proactively boarding... blahblahblahblahPROACTIVE blahblahblahblahPROACTIVELY blahblahPROACTIVE PROACTIVE PROACTIVE".

After awhile this was the only word I heard, because I was waiting for it. The Mom beside me was laughing too..."He's so proactive".

Let this be a lesson to us all, that when the airplane of our dreams is delayed by the inevitability of bad karma, we must not be afraid to take up the sword of proactivity and board the flight of a better life.... man, Dave Barry makes it look so easy.