The Adventures That Happen In Any Given Day Of Ken's Life In Kudamatsu, Japan.
As the crucial moment crept closer and closer still, I prepared myself for the encounter. Finally, after much creeping, I was face to face with my adversary. I steeled myself, and her, with a steely look. She couldn't meet my eyes. I knew it was only a matter of time before this fierce battle of wills would be outcomed.
Suddenly, without any warning, she asked me, "Would you like a bag with that?". I testily told her that no, I did not need a bag, I could put the case of Cup Noodles in my backpack, thank you. To which she retorted, "That will be 670 yen, please". I reached slowly and deliberately for my wallet, all the time with my eyes trained on my foe. The man in line behind me told me to hurry the hell up, he was in a hurry. I paid my due and was walking away with dignity when, suddenly, without any warning, again, she called me back. I had forgotten my point card.
The sky outside was clear and sunny, with clouds spread liberally throughout. I smelled trouble in the air - and I was soon proved right. No sooner had I mounted my bicycle when two of my male students materialized in front of me. I eyed them carelessly at first, but then more carefully. I noticed they both were wearing their school uniforms and were smiling. All of this takes time to write down but in reality took half a minute to observe. They burst out, in unison, "oh! Ken! How are you?". I started, then stopped. Why would they want to know how I am? What business is it of theirs? Should I be anything other than fine? Why were they pressing the issue? But then I recalled that they were junior high first graders and as such, this greeting was nearly the extent of their English conversation skills. I relaxed the corners of my eyes a bit.
"I'm fine," I said, "how are you?"
"I'm fine, and you?", they replied cheerfully.
My sixth sense was reactivated immediately -- how very curious that they would ask me how I was when I had just told them I was fine! As I was thinking this aloud, they reached for me, ostensibly to shake my hand, but I saw the danger in their eyes. I moved like lightning - first chopping the first boy on the thumb to stun him, and then judo-flipping him through the window. The second boy proved tougher but I overcame him using my superior height, reach, weight, strength, age, and taser.
Safely back in my apartment with a half-empty bottle of Medium-Amber Canadian 100% Pure Maple Syrup, I reflected on the morning and thanked my lucky stars that I had watched all those Steven Seagal movies. As I took off my Chinese-style tunic and undid my ponytail, I realized that I was winded. Better start running again, I thought. Tomorrow, though. Today is for me.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Mysterious Mini-Matsuri.
A few weeks ago, there was a little neighbourhood festival in Kudamatsu near Junko's (Brett's girlfriend) house. It was mysterious because nobody knew what it was called, or what it celebrated, or how it came about. But it was great! Lots of people dressed up in either a) traditional yukata kimonos, or b) as various superheroes and villians from Japanese cartoons. I couldn't figure it out, but it was a good time.
Brett, Junko, and Junko's friend.
The festival was dominated by this raised platform on which drummers took turns thumping out a beat to which an old man sitting at a table would sing, non-stop, for what seemed like hours. It was quite awesome. Around this platform people danced or paraded about in time the music.
I have no idea.
A few weeks ago, there was a little neighbourhood festival in Kudamatsu near Junko's (Brett's girlfriend) house. It was mysterious because nobody knew what it was called, or what it celebrated, or how it came about. But it was great! Lots of people dressed up in either a) traditional yukata kimonos, or b) as various superheroes and villians from Japanese cartoons. I couldn't figure it out, but it was a good time.
Brett, Junko, and Junko's friend.
The festival was dominated by this raised platform on which drummers took turns thumping out a beat to which an old man sitting at a table would sing, non-stop, for what seemed like hours. It was quite awesome. Around this platform people danced or paraded about in time the music.
I have no idea.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
"That's a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
This is a phrase I taught my eikaiwa (English conversation class) peeps. An eikaiwa is a small group of unusual people who are dedicated (to varying degrees) to being conversant in the English language. My group, which has about 7 or 8 regular members, is actually really really awesome both in terms of English proficiency and just being friendly and amicable with each other and with me. We meet every Wednesday evenings for two hours and just talk about anything. Periodically I'll write a phrase or word on the board that is useful or somehow relevant to the conversation.
"That's a lawsuit waiting to happen!" was introduced when we were talking about teaching; the teacher's role, the teacher's relationship and conduct with the students, etc. In Canada or the U.S., for a teacher to lay a finger on a student in ANY way is pretty much your job, or a lawsuit, right? In Japan, not so.
One of the men in the group is a retired math and chemistry teacher who now teaches "juku" (after hours cram school - where jr./sr. high schoolers go to relearn what they should've absorbed in regular school except that they were sleeping at the time) from his living room a few nights a week. Anyways, he was saying how if a kid gets out of line and just won't behave, he gives the student a "horse bite". A horse bite is simply grabbing a handful of someone's thigh and PINCHing with your whole hand. ["That's a lawsuit waiting to happen", I wrote on the board].
We got into a discussion then about how teachers no longer have any power to discipline students. "It's because parents are getting stupid. Before, teachers had respect, had authority. Their job was to teach not only lessons, but discipline and good conduct as well. Society ASKED teachers to teach their children. These days, parents ALLOW teachers to teach their children."
Since parents rule the teachers, and students rule the parents, teachers are often left feeling underappreciated, overworked, and without authority in their own classroom.
What a can of worms!
Discuss.
This is a phrase I taught my eikaiwa (English conversation class) peeps. An eikaiwa is a small group of unusual people who are dedicated (to varying degrees) to being conversant in the English language. My group, which has about 7 or 8 regular members, is actually really really awesome both in terms of English proficiency and just being friendly and amicable with each other and with me. We meet every Wednesday evenings for two hours and just talk about anything. Periodically I'll write a phrase or word on the board that is useful or somehow relevant to the conversation.
"That's a lawsuit waiting to happen!" was introduced when we were talking about teaching; the teacher's role, the teacher's relationship and conduct with the students, etc. In Canada or the U.S., for a teacher to lay a finger on a student in ANY way is pretty much your job, or a lawsuit, right? In Japan, not so.
One of the men in the group is a retired math and chemistry teacher who now teaches "juku" (after hours cram school - where jr./sr. high schoolers go to relearn what they should've absorbed in regular school except that they were sleeping at the time) from his living room a few nights a week. Anyways, he was saying how if a kid gets out of line and just won't behave, he gives the student a "horse bite". A horse bite is simply grabbing a handful of someone's thigh and PINCHing with your whole hand. ["That's a lawsuit waiting to happen", I wrote on the board].
We got into a discussion then about how teachers no longer have any power to discipline students. "It's because parents are getting stupid. Before, teachers had respect, had authority. Their job was to teach not only lessons, but discipline and good conduct as well. Society ASKED teachers to teach their children. These days, parents ALLOW teachers to teach their children."
Since parents rule the teachers, and students rule the parents, teachers are often left feeling underappreciated, overworked, and without authority in their own classroom.
What a can of worms!
Discuss.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Free Trip To Bangkok, Thailand.
My flight to Uganda gave me around 18 hours between flights with which to explore Bangkok (eight hours on the way there, nine on the way back). Awesome. I didn't really plan this trip - no Lonely Planet or anything - so I just sort of wandered about, occasionally peering at a very confusing tourist map provided at the airport.
The Emerald Buddha. The thing was so huge I couldn't fine my way in. At one point I found a gate that was open but when I inquired as to whether I could get in, the armed guards just kept repeating "No", so I left.
The Democracy Monument. I think.
The view from the back seat of a "tuk tuk". I think that's what it's called...those little three-wheeled go-carts with roofs that were made famous in the stellar Thai martial arts blockbuster, ONG BAK.
I sneaked through a random gate into a compound which turned out to be a monestary for monks in training. Bright orange-robes and shaved heads everywhere. Also, they were all walking on air, and bending spoons with their minds.
This is Azusa The Awesome. She sat beside me on the bus ride into downtown Bangkok (this is on the way back to Japan). We got to talking and it turns out she studied at a little college in BARRIE, Ontario for a year a few years ago!! Holy crap! That's (relatively) close to my hometown, BADEN. She asked me where I was from:
"Toronto.... well, outside Toronto. Do you know Kitchener-Waterloo? You DO?!! Just outside there." If she would've known Baden I would've probably had a heart attack.
Turns out that a) she speaks excellent English, b) is really cool, and c) also killing time before her flight back to Tokyo at midnight. So we decided to hang out and take the town by storm.
"Taking the town by storm" meant eating a lot of excellent food. One of these foods was this awesome juice stall which featured giant aloe vera and dragon fruit (below).
Also, street vendor-style pad-thai. So delish.
The last thing we did just before we cabbed back to the airport was get a Thai massage.
There are lots of Thai massage places in Khao San district (which is tourist central) but we decided on one that had the best pictures posted out front. We had to go up 3 flights of stairs and I was kind of wary about what kind of establishment we were getting into but we were in for a pleasant surprise. A big air-conditioned room with beautiful dark wood floor and about 8 crisp white mats on the floor with a perfect pillow on each. We ordered half an hour of foot massage and half an hour of Thai massage. Total bill: like $8 per person. It was absolute bliss. The PERFECT thing after (for me) 20 hours of travel which started on a dusty bus in Uganda. Thai massages are insanely awesome - especially if you get them in Thailand where they're dirt cheap.
Azusa at the new Bangkok airport - maaasssive and sparkly clean.
Pretty much the best urinal signage I have ever seen.
So there you have it. Awesome free side trip.
My flight to Uganda gave me around 18 hours between flights with which to explore Bangkok (eight hours on the way there, nine on the way back). Awesome. I didn't really plan this trip - no Lonely Planet or anything - so I just sort of wandered about, occasionally peering at a very confusing tourist map provided at the airport.
The Emerald Buddha. The thing was so huge I couldn't fine my way in. At one point I found a gate that was open but when I inquired as to whether I could get in, the armed guards just kept repeating "No", so I left.
The Democracy Monument. I think.
The view from the back seat of a "tuk tuk". I think that's what it's called...those little three-wheeled go-carts with roofs that were made famous in the stellar Thai martial arts blockbuster, ONG BAK.
I sneaked through a random gate into a compound which turned out to be a monestary for monks in training. Bright orange-robes and shaved heads everywhere. Also, they were all walking on air, and bending spoons with their minds.
This is Azusa The Awesome. She sat beside me on the bus ride into downtown Bangkok (this is on the way back to Japan). We got to talking and it turns out she studied at a little college in BARRIE, Ontario for a year a few years ago!! Holy crap! That's (relatively) close to my hometown, BADEN. She asked me where I was from:
"Toronto.... well, outside Toronto. Do you know Kitchener-Waterloo? You DO?!! Just outside there." If she would've known Baden I would've probably had a heart attack.
Turns out that a) she speaks excellent English, b) is really cool, and c) also killing time before her flight back to Tokyo at midnight. So we decided to hang out and take the town by storm.
"Taking the town by storm" meant eating a lot of excellent food. One of these foods was this awesome juice stall which featured giant aloe vera and dragon fruit (below).
Also, street vendor-style pad-thai. So delish. The last thing we did just before we cabbed back to the airport was get a Thai massage.
There are lots of Thai massage places in Khao San district (which is tourist central) but we decided on one that had the best pictures posted out front. We had to go up 3 flights of stairs and I was kind of wary about what kind of establishment we were getting into but we were in for a pleasant surprise. A big air-conditioned room with beautiful dark wood floor and about 8 crisp white mats on the floor with a perfect pillow on each. We ordered half an hour of foot massage and half an hour of Thai massage. Total bill: like $8 per person. It was absolute bliss. The PERFECT thing after (for me) 20 hours of travel which started on a dusty bus in Uganda. Thai massages are insanely awesome - especially if you get them in Thailand where they're dirt cheap.
Azusa at the new Bangkok airport - maaasssive and sparkly clean.
Pretty much the best urinal signage I have ever seen.So there you have it. Awesome free side trip.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
UGANDA Part II: Kanungu.
Kanungu is the name of the town and district where I taught for one year at Mother Care. Having travelled around most of Uganda (North, East, Central) in 2001/02, I have to say, without any bias whatsoever, that Kanungu is the most stunningly beautiful place in the world. At least in my world.
Dorcas aka "Mummy" aka "Aunt". There's a Dorcas in the Bible, (Acts 9) "who was always doing good and helping the poor". That pretty much sums up Dorcas; a woman of incredible strength of spirit and faith. She is so awesome. In addition to having Godwin and I live with her for a year, she also had about 12 or so other dependents under her care, none of which were her biological children (who were all schooling in Kampala).
Dorcas at Mother Care Primary School.
Kadia presenting me with gifts for me and my Mom (my Mom visited me for a month in 2002). Kadia was the one with the original idea of starting Mother Care Nursery/Primary School. Great lady.
The long building on the upper hill is the Primary section of Mother Care; below is the Nursery section. In the background behind the nursery section is Dorcas' house. The long smooth hill in the far background is called Kyentare.
Judah! Though now 29 years old with a family of his own, Judah continues to work for Dorcas taking care of the livestock as well as helping out with any chores that need to be done around the place. Dorcas took care of Judah since he was a teenager. Special note: when I visited in May 2004, my friend Ben Riche came with me (shout out to Ben!). Apparently Ben made a favourable impression on Judah because he has named his first-born son, Ben Riche! Not to take away from Ben's personality, but Ben Riche is at face value an awesome name, so....
Makiro Hill. Catholic church at the top with Catholic primary and secondary schools on the way up. Below is a piece of Kanungu town...
Mother Care class room...
The Masya Gang. Masya is probably Godwin's and my favourite place in Kanungu. Many of our favourite students live in Masya; the walk up to Masya is gorgeous, and there is always an open door with a soda waiting. The final destination when going to Masya is always Monday's place. Monday is the short smiling man in the back row; he taught in our nursery section, goes to the same church as Dorcas, and knows every song in the book.
On the road to Masya...
Brothers Genesis and Naboth sitting in Monday's living room. Whenever Godwin and I visit Monday, half the kids in Masya show up and we ALWAYS end up in a big singing, dancing jamfest, led by Monday. That's why we go!
The man, Monday Andrews.
UGANDA May 2004 - with Ben Riche. THE Ben W.C. Riche.
Since I'm putting up photos of Uganda, I might as well put up some that I took in 04.
This is at the top of Kyentare, that big hill. To get to Kyentare, one must walk through Masya and thus, we are never alone by the time we reach the peak. Here is Ben with two Masya kids... Ben was really ticked that his face looked the way it did because he swears he was happy at the time of this photo. Actually, he was quite moved by the experience. The first time you see this breath-taking view, and at that very moment a small child slips her hand into yours, it's a great moment in life.
The aforementioned Genesis, three years younger, strumming away while Ben chords. He was actually really good, even though he had never held a guitar before.... the famous innate sense of rhythm that most Africans seem to possess...
Charlotte, Monday's second daughter, on top of Kyentare.
Me, Hilda (a friend of Sarah, Dorcas' youngest daughter) and Masya kids on Kyentare.
Kanungu is the name of the town and district where I taught for one year at Mother Care. Having travelled around most of Uganda (North, East, Central) in 2001/02, I have to say, without any bias whatsoever, that Kanungu is the most stunningly beautiful place in the world. At least in my world.
Dorcas aka "Mummy" aka "Aunt". There's a Dorcas in the Bible, (Acts 9) "who was always doing good and helping the poor". That pretty much sums up Dorcas; a woman of incredible strength of spirit and faith. She is so awesome. In addition to having Godwin and I live with her for a year, she also had about 12 or so other dependents under her care, none of which were her biological children (who were all schooling in Kampala).
Dorcas at Mother Care Primary School.
Kadia presenting me with gifts for me and my Mom (my Mom visited me for a month in 2002). Kadia was the one with the original idea of starting Mother Care Nursery/Primary School. Great lady.
The long building on the upper hill is the Primary section of Mother Care; below is the Nursery section. In the background behind the nursery section is Dorcas' house. The long smooth hill in the far background is called Kyentare.
Judah! Though now 29 years old with a family of his own, Judah continues to work for Dorcas taking care of the livestock as well as helping out with any chores that need to be done around the place. Dorcas took care of Judah since he was a teenager. Special note: when I visited in May 2004, my friend Ben Riche came with me (shout out to Ben!). Apparently Ben made a favourable impression on Judah because he has named his first-born son, Ben Riche! Not to take away from Ben's personality, but Ben Riche is at face value an awesome name, so....
Makiro Hill. Catholic church at the top with Catholic primary and secondary schools on the way up. Below is a piece of Kanungu town...
Mother Care class room...
The Masya Gang. Masya is probably Godwin's and my favourite place in Kanungu. Many of our favourite students live in Masya; the walk up to Masya is gorgeous, and there is always an open door with a soda waiting. The final destination when going to Masya is always Monday's place. Monday is the short smiling man in the back row; he taught in our nursery section, goes to the same church as Dorcas, and knows every song in the book.
On the road to Masya...
Brothers Genesis and Naboth sitting in Monday's living room. Whenever Godwin and I visit Monday, half the kids in Masya show up and we ALWAYS end up in a big singing, dancing jamfest, led by Monday. That's why we go!
The man, Monday Andrews.UGANDA May 2004 - with Ben Riche. THE Ben W.C. Riche.
Since I'm putting up photos of Uganda, I might as well put up some that I took in 04.
This is at the top of Kyentare, that big hill. To get to Kyentare, one must walk through Masya and thus, we are never alone by the time we reach the peak. Here is Ben with two Masya kids... Ben was really ticked that his face looked the way it did because he swears he was happy at the time of this photo. Actually, he was quite moved by the experience. The first time you see this breath-taking view, and at that very moment a small child slips her hand into yours, it's a great moment in life.
The aforementioned Genesis, three years younger, strumming away while Ben chords. He was actually really good, even though he had never held a guitar before.... the famous innate sense of rhythm that most Africans seem to possess...
Charlotte, Monday's second daughter, on top of Kyentare.
Me, Hilda (a friend of Sarah, Dorcas' youngest daughter) and Masya kids on Kyentare.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
UGANDA, Part I: Nyamukana.
Nyamukana is Godwin's home area. Bemanya Godwin is a very close friend and brother to me and one of the best things that came out of my year as a volunteer teacher in Uganda in 2001-2002. I stayed in the home of Dorcas, his aunt, and my "Mummy". Godwin also stayed with Dorcas and we taught together at Mother Care Nursery and Primary School - a project started by Dorcas and 3 other local women who saw a need for quality education for the town's orphaned and disadvantaged children.
The whole point of me coming to Uganda at this time was to attend Godwin's graduation ceremony from Makarere University where he attained a hard-earned Bachelor of Education degree. However, as is often the case, Makarere was short on cash (despite the ridiculous fees collected from all graduating students) and the ceremony was postponed until late September. Of course it was too late for me; I'd already booked my ticket. Eh, it happens.
Godwin picked me up at the airport in Entebbe with a huge smile and wave - it's surreal every time I see him.... I went back in 2004 for a month-long visit with one of my bestest buds Ben Riche, and it was the same way - as if it's Godwin standing in front of me! He doesn't seem to get any older; actually, he seems to be getting younger.
Godwin's wife Immaculate, and their son Baron and daughter Treasure. Godwin was always good with kids and it transfers well to his role as father.... he is a great Dad. With Baron, who isn't talking yet, he plays this game where Baron grabs different parts of Godwin's face and Godwin says, "Have you got my ear?" "Have you got my eyes?" "Have you got my nose?" and Baron "mmm"s the affirmative.
Immaculate: a lovely, gentle young woman. We really hit it off; one time, in one of the highlights of the entire trip, she was asking Baron "Who's this?" pointing at me... and she said, for him, "It's 'uncle'. Uncle Kenny!". I felt so great.
Godwin and Treasure.
Baron crawling over me. Seconds before this pic, he had hobbled over to me (he had a nasty gouge on his right heel from a biking mishap) and lay down beside me with his arms behind his head, just like me. So awesome.
The girl laughing is Anita, one of the orphans Godwin and Immaculate take care of. In the the foreground is Kevin, the only child from Immaculate's first marriage.
Anita and Deke. Anita is a great kid - she has this face which is always at the point of breaking into a brilliant smile, but she shies away and you only catch glimpses of it here and there. She's a real tease.
The wee one is Rita, another orphan under the care of Godwin and Immaculate. I originally wanted to take a picture of the pot cooking over a woodfire, but when the kids saw the camera, they quickly scurried into the scene.
Me playing pool very badly. You can see how many balls are still left; this was after 20 minutes of play. I was playing with Yu, a Japanese dude who we met on the bus ride to Godwin's place. We invited him to stay with us for a few days, and he did.
Yu, with Deke, Keven and Rita. They were all quite comfortable with us foreigners...
My last morning in Uganda.
Nyamukana is Godwin's home area. Bemanya Godwin is a very close friend and brother to me and one of the best things that came out of my year as a volunteer teacher in Uganda in 2001-2002. I stayed in the home of Dorcas, his aunt, and my "Mummy". Godwin also stayed with Dorcas and we taught together at Mother Care Nursery and Primary School - a project started by Dorcas and 3 other local women who saw a need for quality education for the town's orphaned and disadvantaged children.
The whole point of me coming to Uganda at this time was to attend Godwin's graduation ceremony from Makarere University where he attained a hard-earned Bachelor of Education degree. However, as is often the case, Makarere was short on cash (despite the ridiculous fees collected from all graduating students) and the ceremony was postponed until late September. Of course it was too late for me; I'd already booked my ticket. Eh, it happens.
Godwin picked me up at the airport in Entebbe with a huge smile and wave - it's surreal every time I see him.... I went back in 2004 for a month-long visit with one of my bestest buds Ben Riche, and it was the same way - as if it's Godwin standing in front of me! He doesn't seem to get any older; actually, he seems to be getting younger.
Godwin's wife Immaculate, and their son Baron and daughter Treasure. Godwin was always good with kids and it transfers well to his role as father.... he is a great Dad. With Baron, who isn't talking yet, he plays this game where Baron grabs different parts of Godwin's face and Godwin says, "Have you got my ear?" "Have you got my eyes?" "Have you got my nose?" and Baron "mmm"s the affirmative.
Immaculate: a lovely, gentle young woman. We really hit it off; one time, in one of the highlights of the entire trip, she was asking Baron "Who's this?" pointing at me... and she said, for him, "It's 'uncle'. Uncle Kenny!". I felt so great.
Godwin and Treasure.
Baron crawling over me. Seconds before this pic, he had hobbled over to me (he had a nasty gouge on his right heel from a biking mishap) and lay down beside me with his arms behind his head, just like me. So awesome.
The girl laughing is Anita, one of the orphans Godwin and Immaculate take care of. In the the foreground is Kevin, the only child from Immaculate's first marriage.
Anita and Deke. Anita is a great kid - she has this face which is always at the point of breaking into a brilliant smile, but she shies away and you only catch glimpses of it here and there. She's a real tease.
The wee one is Rita, another orphan under the care of Godwin and Immaculate. I originally wanted to take a picture of the pot cooking over a woodfire, but when the kids saw the camera, they quickly scurried into the scene.
Me playing pool very badly. You can see how many balls are still left; this was after 20 minutes of play. I was playing with Yu, a Japanese dude who we met on the bus ride to Godwin's place. We invited him to stay with us for a few days, and he did.
Yu, with Deke, Keven and Rita. They were all quite comfortable with us foreigners...
My last morning in Uganda.
Monday, August 27, 2007
PROACTIVE.
It is not uncommon, when English-speaking foreigners get together, to make fun of "Engrish" in Japan. The neverending hilarity of nonsensical signs, the outrageous, unwittingly witty witticisms of our students who tell us they'd like "a burger with flies". But it's only fair to point out that most of us use stupid English all the time without even knowing it, and without the valid excuse of it being our second language (although it is for me, chronologically). The following is an example of such ill-usage. Place: Vancouver International airport, awaiting boarding of plane to Japan.
Airport Dude: "OK, I apologize for the delay, but I will now begin proactive boarding. Those who have seats 1-25 please come to the counter to begin boarding, proactively. I repeat, we will now proactively begin boarding those with seats 1-25."
At this point, a kid of about 10 who was beside me, asked his Mom what proactive meant. The Mom told him. A few minutes later...
AD: "I am continuing to proactively board passengers at this point. Will those with seats 25 through 50 please come to the counter to be boarded proactively. I am proactively boarding... blahblahblahblahPROACTIVE blahblahblahblahPROACTIVELY blahblahPROACTIVE PROACTIVE PROACTIVE".
After awhile this was the only word I heard, because I was waiting for it. The Mom beside me was laughing too..."He's so proactive".
Let this be a lesson to us all, that when the airplane of our dreams is delayed by the inevitability of bad karma, we must not be afraid to take up the sword of proactivity and board the flight of a better life.... man, Dave Barry makes it look so easy.
It is not uncommon, when English-speaking foreigners get together, to make fun of "Engrish" in Japan. The neverending hilarity of nonsensical signs, the outrageous, unwittingly witty witticisms of our students who tell us they'd like "a burger with flies". But it's only fair to point out that most of us use stupid English all the time without even knowing it, and without the valid excuse of it being our second language (although it is for me, chronologically). The following is an example of such ill-usage. Place: Vancouver International airport, awaiting boarding of plane to Japan.
Airport Dude: "OK, I apologize for the delay, but I will now begin proactive boarding. Those who have seats 1-25 please come to the counter to begin boarding, proactively. I repeat, we will now proactively begin boarding those with seats 1-25."
At this point, a kid of about 10 who was beside me, asked his Mom what proactive meant. The Mom told him. A few minutes later...
AD: "I am continuing to proactively board passengers at this point. Will those with seats 25 through 50 please come to the counter to be boarded proactively. I am proactively boarding... blahblahblahblahPROACTIVE blahblahblahblahPROACTIVELY blahblahPROACTIVE PROACTIVE PROACTIVE".
After awhile this was the only word I heard, because I was waiting for it. The Mom beside me was laughing too..."He's so proactive".
Let this be a lesson to us all, that when the airplane of our dreams is delayed by the inevitability of bad karma, we must not be afraid to take up the sword of proactivity and board the flight of a better life.... man, Dave Barry makes it look so easy.
VANCOUVER.
Picking up where I left off, my last few days in Canada were spent in Vancouver with one of my oldest friends, Meghan (she's 85 years old).
Meghan, of Wilmot Centre, Ontario, Canada, drinking two drinks with two straws at the same time.
We went to a bookshop where I found this cat casually napping atop my favourite Dean Koontz novels. It was all nice until I tried to get a book from underneath it; apparently this cat knows that Dean Koontz novels make the best mattresses. My own mattress needs refurbishing - I've had to make do with Dan Brown's works.
The weather was gorgeous and, as Meghan promised, so was Vancouver.
Speaking of gorgeous...
I've been working on these poses since I was an elementary school kid when everyone assumed I knew karate.
"Dirty Pizza".... I forget what the actual restaurant was called, but this was good pizza. The expression I'm trying to...express...sigh... is "bliss".
Meghan's boyfriend Michele and his Mom, and me, climbing up towards Mt. Seymour. We didn't make it.
Meghan and Michele.
Picking up where I left off, my last few days in Canada were spent in Vancouver with one of my oldest friends, Meghan (she's 85 years old).
Meghan, of Wilmot Centre, Ontario, Canada, drinking two drinks with two straws at the same time.
We went to a bookshop where I found this cat casually napping atop my favourite Dean Koontz novels. It was all nice until I tried to get a book from underneath it; apparently this cat knows that Dean Koontz novels make the best mattresses. My own mattress needs refurbishing - I've had to make do with Dan Brown's works.
The weather was gorgeous and, as Meghan promised, so was Vancouver.
Speaking of gorgeous...
I've been working on these poses since I was an elementary school kid when everyone assumed I knew karate.
"Dirty Pizza".... I forget what the actual restaurant was called, but this was good pizza. The expression I'm trying to...express...sigh... is "bliss".
Meghan's boyfriend Michele and his Mom, and me, climbing up towards Mt. Seymour. We didn't make it.
Meghan and Michele.
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Probably the worst English I have ever seen on-screen is the comments section on You Tube [second place goes to Facebook wall posts]. The comments section seems to bring out the most malicious, fickle, childish, and stupid impulses from humans. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the bickering is not about the video itself but about someone else's comments. Seriously, everyone seems to take random strangers' comments personally. It's hilarious.
Aaaanyways, every once in a while, someone is malicious in a funny way and I have posted it below. It was when I was watching some clips of Conan O'Brien and Jennifer Garner was on the show....
TheGermanJuggernau (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam